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A natural end – can a frank discussion of dying feel helpful?

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As we age, or as our health deteriorates, we can make plans for what treatments we would wish to avoid or where we would like to be cared for.  In a recent edition of The Tablet (26th May 2018),  a palliative medicine pioneer explains that it’s often a surprise to patients and families that a frank discussion of dying can feel so helpful.

When I was working for MHA, a key part of the work of the Chaplaincy team in MHA Care Homes and Independent Living communities was the development of “The Final Lap” – a programme to train staff to support residents and their families as they explore what the last days of life will mean for them.  My initial reaction at the time was shock, and the thought came to me “who wants to think about this?”.  I came to realise this is my own fear talking, my own denial about a process that is as natural as birth.  What I came to understand is that it it possible to respond to planning our dying in a positive and creative way.  “The Final Lap” philosophy is based on 3 key principles:

  1. Create a culture that faces the reality of death openly, as part of human life, and to deliver support that makes it a more positive experience for everyone.
  2. Different people have different ideas about what makes a ‘good death’, so preparation and planning based around the individual’s wishes are important.
  3. Supporting someone who is dying can be difficult, but it can also be very rewarding.  Final Lap training will help staff identify and address their support needs more effectively.

The Tablet article tells the true story of Ignatio, a man who is coming to the end of his life and finds relief and freedom in being able to talk about what he would like and, importantly, not like as part of his Advance Care Planning.  The full article is behind a paywall here , and details about the author, Kathryn Mannix, and her latest book can be read here .

Our parishes have an important role in helping us ‘pack for the journey’.  The Church offers hope and comfort because it is rooted in the belief that God made us to enjoy eternal life with Him.  We are blessed with some special prayers and sacraments that give meaning to sickness and death.

Growing Old Grace-fully are thinking about offering a short session to parish groups on planning your Catholic funeral.  This session will also offer the opportunity for people to start to explore some of the deeper questions and considerations for a parish in helping people think about their own end of life wishes.  Is this something you think your parish might be interested in?  Please get in touch with Rachel at growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk or call 07702 255142 for a chat.

Rachel Walker, Project Co-ordinator

Dementia Friendly Parishes in our Diocese

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I was made so welcome at two different parishes in Dewsbury Deanery this month.

I enjoyed my visit to the Happy Memories Group at St Paulinus Church Hall, Dewsbury last Thursday.  This group is run by volunteers and run activity groups for people with a dementia type illness and their carers. They are active, lively groups, with activities designed to stimulate and exercise both body and mind. Carers have a choice of staying for the session or having a break for the session.

The driving force behind Happy Memories is Cath Knowles, shown here with husband Ron who also is very involved in supporting the Group.

Cath told me “I run the Group and have done for 11 years. We are all volunteers and consist of 4 groups in total.  We have around 90 people on our books and we support carers and former carers.I have applied to make our group a dementia friendly group and this is a work in progress.  Although we meet at St Paulinus Parochial Hall twice a month, we are not specifically a church group and people come from all over North Kirklees to attend our groups.We also have a group that meets at St Andrews Methodist Church Hall in Mirfield twice a month, a luncheon Club Monthly and a carers friendship group monthly.”

The Group are doing much needed work to help support people living with dementia and their carers.  They are supported financially by local community groups and individuals, but get no statutory funding.

 

Last Saturday I was back in the deanery sharing a Dementia Friends session at St Paul of the Cross in Cleckheaton.  I was delighted that 25 people, including parishioners from St Mary of the Angels in Batley, came to the session and each attendee became a Dementia Friend.  Parish priest Fr Nicholas commented “Simply bringing people together is important, allowing them to know that they are not facing issues in isolation”.  It was very good to attend a quiet Mass after the session with some of the people I met. Thank you to all who came along for your warm welcome and thoughtful contributions.

 

Don’t forget that it’s Dementia Action Week  from 21st-27th May 2018, and I would love to hear what your parish or local community are doing to help people live well with dementia.

Rachel Walker, Project Co-ordinator

It’s Dying Matters Week

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This week (14th-20th May 2018) is Dying Matters Week.  Dying Matters is a coalition of individual and organisational members across England and Wales, which aims to help people talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement, and to make plans for the end of life.  This week offers the opportunity to place the importance of talking about dying, death and bereavement firmly on the national agenda.  Here’s what’s listed as happening in and around our Diocese.

If we think about death as a journey, not just a specific moment, it might help us understand what it means to die well.  But as with any hourney, we have to prepare for it.  We don’t have to be very old or ill or morbid to start.  It does not bring death any nearer but a lot of people say that thinking about what they want for themselves, and for their loved ones, can be valuable and rewarding.  Our parishes have an important role in helping us ‘pack for the journey’.

Growing Old Grace-fully are thinking about offering a short session to parish groups on planning your Catholic funeral.  This session will also offer the opportunity for people to start to explore some of the deeper questions and considerations for a parish in supporting people through bereavement, as well as thinking about their own end of life wishes.  Is this something you think your parish might be interested in?  If so, please get in touch with Rachel at growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk or call 07702 255142 for a chat.

We also recommend visiting the Art of Dying Well website , devised and commissioned by the Catholic Church of England and Wales, which aims to help people think about dying and to learn from the experience of others.

 

Orat Pro Soc – “He prays for the Church and the Society”

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“When you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and somebody else will put a belt round you and take you where you would rather not go.”    John 21:18

This true story told by Fr Paul O’Reilly SJ about one of his fellow Jesuits who had a stroke and found all he could do was ‘Orat pro Soc” (a latin abbreviation for “He Prays for the Church and Society”) really spoke to me.  This priest discovered that his prayers changed his heart, and became the heart of the whole community.  Fr Paul’s story about his fellow priest does not pretend the journey from being active to a more contemplative life is an easy one for any of us, but his witness is that new life was found in the whole community through one man’s prayers.

Fr Paul asks “In his memory, I would like to suggest that the next time any of us feels absolutely useless, valueless, a waste of space, a useless eater, and that the world might be a better place without us – and remember that most have us have such moments – think of  Father John. Make your way to the Chapel and pray for the Church and the Society. And notice how that changes your heart and your life. There are worse jobs than ‘Orat pro Soc’. And that is the fundamental call of every Christian.”

https://www.pathwaystogod.org/resources/ignatian-insight/orat-pro-soc?utm_source=Jesuits+in+Britain&utm_campaign=5937b47be9-PWG+180426&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_22ed05a35f-5937b47be9-87717341&mc_cid=5937b47be9&mc_eid=01bb65ca7d

Rachel Walker, Project Co-ordinator

Universal Credit launches this month – some helpful points from Caritas Leeds

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Caritas Leeds have produced some helpful information regarding the changes to the Universal Credit.  Caritas Leeds is an umbrella organisation where all charities and groups involved in social action or social care in the Diocese of Leeds, whose work is inspired by the Gospel and operate in accordance with Catholic doctrine and social teaching, can meet together on a regular basis.  Here’s more details to help understand the changes: Universal Credit-March 2018.   This information has also been sent to all our clergy with the aim of making it available to parishioners.

Universal Credit is being introduced across the UK in stages. It will replace 6 ‘means-tested’ benefits – these are benefits you can get if your income and savings are below a certain level.

Whether you should apply for Universal Credit instead of one of these benefits, depends on where you live and your circumstances. To find out more please click on this link- check if you can apply. You will then need to enter your post code.  Or enter put the following in the browser:  www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/before-you-apply/Check-ifyoure-eligible-for-Universal-Credit/

 

Prayer for Justice

Lord, may justice flow like a river
Reaching barren lands and sun scorched deserts.  Amen.

Smashing it: how table tennis united generations in Leeds

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Here’s an interesting report from The Guardian about how a former pub in Leeds has been transformed into a busy hub, tackling loneliness by bringing young and old together.

Churches are often the only truly intergenerational regular  meeting places for people of all ages in our society.  We would love to hear from anyone who’s church or parish have any intergenerational groups or projects – however small.

 

Happy Easter to you

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Neither height not depth, nor anything in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.     Romans 8:39

 

Here’s our 2018 Easter Newsletter, which includes an invitation to any parishes who have not had a Dementia Friends sessions to book one as soon as you can, as part of our plans to become a dementia friendly Diocese.

Christine Bryden, who describes herself as a dementia survivor says  “I need you to be the Christ-light for me, to affirm my identity and walk beside me.  I may not be able to affirm you, to remember who you are or whether you visited me.  But you have brought Christ to me.”

Can you spare three minutes to complete our survey?

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Complete our survey

What next for Growing Old Grace-fully?

Our work for the past three years, in raising awareness of the contribution of older people in our parishes and helping to respond to their spiritual and practical needs, has been possible because of a generous gift from The Society of the Sacred Heart. This work has included production of our guide, “Welcoming Older People – ideas for and from parishes” – an 88 page resource to support parishes in this Diocese and beyond in cherishing the blessings of ageing and helping to overcome its challenges.  We still have printed copies available which can be ordered from Rachel on 07702 255142 or by emailing growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk .

As our funding finishes at the end of this year, we are taking the opportunity to think about where we should focus our efforts from 2019 onwards.

Please help us by taking 3 minutes to complete our survey on how your parish welcomes older people here 

Eileen Sikorska RIP

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Please pray for the family and friends of Eileen Sikorska who died at home in Leeds on 19th February aged 95.  She was an active member of many organisations including the CMAC, Cafod, Pax Christi, and Growing Old Grace-fully;  was on the staff of Trinity and All Saints College (now Leeds Trinity), and, appointed by Bishop Konstant, was the first woman trustee of the Diocese of Leeds.  She was an inspirational woman of faith, always interested in others, and a very loving mother and grandmother.

Eileen bore the challenges of later life with grace and cheerfulness.  She knew there would be tears at her funeral but she did not want people to be sombre.   Her strong faith convinced her we would all ‘meet merrily in Heaven’.

May she rest in peace.

Spiritual Reminiscence Box

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How to create a personal spiritual reminiscence box.  A resource for the family, friends and carers of people with dementia. 

© the Diocese of Wrexham 2015. Written by Margaret Hinton, Marriage and Family Life Commission and Clare Steel. Cost £7 and available from: margaretmfl@hotmail.co.uk

This is a useful, user friendly resource “designed to help friends, family and caregivers find simple ways to carry on a spiritual life for their loved ones” at home and in care. It is a pack of explanatory cards outlining in a simple way the theory of Reminiscence, why it is helpful, how to create a box, giving ideas and containing a CD of old, familiar hymns for everyone to use. This last offering is on the basis that people may remember the older hymns more easily than newer ones and feel comfortable hearing and singing them.

Reminiscence is used widely with older people to encourage them to talk about things they remember and reduce stress. It helps to affirm people: who they are and to relive previous times and achievements. “Reminiscence can help to improve the mood, cognitive ability and well being of those with mild to moderate dementia and if a multi sensory approach is taken even in to later stages of dementia.” This pack is about encouraging spiritual reminiscence so that spiritual aspects of the person’s life story can be conveyed from home to care home and used by family and professional carers. “There is increasing evidence that stimulating a range of senses [sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste] can be very effective in engaging an individual with dementia and other illnesses affecting cognition”.

There are illustrated cards with useful tips how, where and when to use the resource. It has a card for each of the senses with ideas, and a list of helpful contacts. This Pack also has ideas for group reminiscence.

At a recent talk I attended, Margaret Hinton spoke about a Box that she helped a relative create. It included a prayer book with an ingrained leather cover to touch, smell and look at, containing his holy pictures. (Remember those?) It included his rosary beads for him to pray with and hold. (I know a lady who gets comfort from fingering her beads with her restless hands. The familiar feel soothes her.)

I plan to start my Spiritual Reminiscence Box now with objects that remind me of my faith and practice. It can be added to later. I know already that I want my Box to contain an old prayer book, holy pictures from friends and children when they were little, a “clutch cross” to hold, a small picture of Rublev’s Icon, a particular, smooth wooden statue of the Holy Family, smells of lilies, a copy of the Magnificat and the Beatitudes and a CD of hymns by Bernadette Farrell and others – hymns which my children may have forgotten in 20 years time. I value these objects and the memories they evoke now, and later they will help to remind me of my spiritual life and memories that might lead who knows where…I have also realised this is a useful exercise to make me reflect on my faith priorities and what immediately helps me to think about them. What would you choose for your Box?   

What is important to me about this Pack is that a lot of the ideas I knew already but it affirms my thoughts and collects the ideas in one place. It is a simple, user friendly pack which is very do-able on a small budget and in a short time. I think it is a valuable addition to resources for those living and working alongside people with dementia.

 Pippa Bonner, Trustee