With many people living longer and the current demographic of our churches, you are probably finding that the needs of older people in your parish are increasing.
Many parishioners go out of their way to help others as much as they can, and SVP and other groups are an essential support to many older people. These informal and formal networks of love and inclusion work well in many situations. However, with the increased need, the effects of the pandemic, and the fact that some of those volunteering are themselves feeling vulnerable, resources are stretched and some older people are at risk of slipping through the net or becoming disconnected.
Walking with Older People in their Journey through Later Life
In response to this need, Growing Old Grace-fully approached funders with an idea for a Pastoral Worker/Lay Chaplain for Older People role, to see if it could be trialled in some parishes in the Diocese of Leeds.
The Ladies of the Grail caught the vision for this demonstration project and generously awarded some seed funding to be used in our Diocese.
What would a Pastoral Worker/Lay Chaplain do?
In partnership with the Parish Priest and Eucharistic Ministers, and working closely with relevant parish groups such as the SVP, a Lay Chaplain’s role would be to be an important point of contact for older people in the parish (as well as their families and carers) particularly in terms of their spiritual and emotional life, but with a whole-life approach.
They would use a person-centred listening approach with warmth, compassion, humour and mutual respect, enabling older people to:
be strengthened on their journey
be more connected and included in parish life
have their contributions valued
access support for practical needs.
We have seed funding to help 2 parishes set up and test this model with someone fulfilling this role a few hours a week.
We are now seeking expressions of interest from parishes in the Diocese and have recently sent information about this to all priests through the Ad Clerum.
If you are interested in this idea and feel your parish could benefit from this scheme, we would encourage you to speak with your priest and others in the parish to explore the possibilities, and then contact us (see below).
If you have any queries, please do contact our Development Officer Rhoda Wu on growing.old.gracefully@dioceseofleeds.org.uk, she will be happy to help.
As well as being involved in each of our parishes, the trustees of Growing Old Grace-fully wanted to highlight the voice and needs of older people in this listening process.
A group of the board members got together and drew up a response on the relevant topics in the framework, this is what we submitted:
Growing Old Grace-fully – response to the Synod listening exercise in the Diocese of Leeds
Growing Old Grace-fully is an independent charity based in the Diocese of Leeds and have been working in the diocese for over 10 years.
Our aim is to:
To enhance the spiritual, emotional, and physical wellbeingof older people across the Catholic Diocese of Leedsthrough raising awareness, inspiring and supportingresponsive action in parishes.
We are making a separate submission based on our substantial experience of listening to older people in our parishes.
Introduction: The term ‘older people’ covers a very wide age range and several life stages: in our society, younger older people (60+) may enjoy (depending on their life chances) 20 years or so of active life with good health, when they will volunteer in their community including the parish, provide childcare for grandchildren and may be supporting older relatives and friends, at the same time. For many, this will be followed by a period of declining health when support from family or agencies is needed before death.
Longer life is a great blessing for individuals and families and for wider society but the later stages of life present challenges to the individual, to those who love them and to wider society, as health declines and the need for support and care increases. Life expectancy is increasing in most countries in the world and different issues arise depending on the relative proportions in the population of younger and older people.
Longer life expectancy – a sign of our time – needs to be pondered to discern what God is saying to us and how we should respond. A theme of Growing Old Grace-fully’s work is the vocation of later life: ‘Called to be Old’.
(Another feature of our time is the decrease in the number of priests and religious in the local church, many of whom are themselves older people. How can we ensure that they continue to be included, supported and able to contribute their wisdom and experience?)
Who are our journey companions and who is marginalised?
Older people often have a wide network of friends in the parish whom they have known over many years and take for granted that these people are their companions in life and in faith. There may not be explicit faith sharing unless people belong to a group which prays, reflects and acts together but there is an implicit bond.
As friends die and perhaps the composition of the parish changes, older people are likely to feel more isolated. If they become housebound, they are likely to lack companions on their faith journey especially if their family members have lost connection with Church.
If people go into a care home, they may become completely cut off from their worshipping community and from the support of the sacraments.
We need (formal and informal) ways to follow up people who ‘disappear’ to find out if they wish to stay in touch with the parish and what support they would like. Quaker meetings appoint members to roles of responsibility – overseers – for a given term: 2 periods of 3 years. Their ‘task is building a community in which all members find acceptance, loving care and opportunities for service.’ Other denominations have ‘pastoral stewards’ and of course often in parishes the SVP can play this role.
We have developed a specific model to formally ensure a more systematic approach to ensuring that our older people are still included in parish life.
A Lay Chaplaincy for Older People in parishes and/or deaneries would fulfill this role. The chaplain will be there to provide a listening presence, companionship, and one-to-one pastoral support for older people in a parish. Their person-centred approach will help them deliver support with warmth, compassion, humour, mutual respect, strength, and hope, aiming to inspire and provide stimulation. More specifically, working closely with relevant parish groups such as the SVP and supported by the Parish Priest, the Lay Chaplain’s role will be to help get to know older people in the parish and particularly those who have mobility issues or other conditions that make them at risk of being isolated. The Chaplain will be the first port of call for ministering to older people in the parish, particularly at times when sustained spiritual support is most needed. They will be able to inform the priest when and if sacramental care is needed. If appropriate and possible, the Chaplain will aim to build a group of volunteers to help to support the work. (we have a small amount of funding to pilot this model).
Listening and speaking out, how might the RC church listen to lay people, women and minorities and those who are not respected?
This question is framed in a way that reveals an underlying assumption that lay folk are not ‘church’. We believe that ‘we’ are the Church.
Housebound older people and those in care homes are a marginalised group without a voice. Older people have expressed concern that church concentrates on young people and ignores the needs of older members.
In 2018 we asked some of our supporters about their experience of parish life, this reinforced our concern that there is too much reliance on informal connections and that older and other vulnerable people slip through the net and become marginalised.
They also said that church stands out as a place where generations mix at Mass, but there’s less evidence of more structured opportunities for support/learning.
Programmes addressing the spirituality of ageing or taking ageing seriously are not available.
There are not enough structured programmes to help support people in bereavement, or anything specific that helps people cope with the varied losses that can come with long life.
Listening and speaking out are interdependent: people speak out when they are listened to; otherwise they won’t bother. Intergenerational structures are needed through which people can express their needs, share their insights, listen to the experience of others, and discern how they can contribute and work together for the common good of church and world. (see later response)
Older people have a wisdom, experience and skills that they can share, whether developed from their working life or through being part of the parish community. We hope that their experience of listening, dialogue, creating and celebrating liturgies, experiencing lay leadership and years of co-responsibility in different ways in their parishes and dioceses, and navigating change in the past will be valued as we journey through the synod process.
Celebrating
The closure of churches in the early part of the pandemic opened opportunities for us to experience liturgies celebrated across the world as well as locally, provided that we are digitally enabled. Some older people who have participated in on-line liturgies would like them to continue; this would be a boon for housebound people as well as those who still do not feel confident about returning to a crowded church.
However, we recognise that most people want to be part of a community that is physically present to each other, for the social interaction as well as celebrating Mass together.
We also need to be aware that some older people are not digitally confident and may feel excluded by too much reliance on online participation
(Some) Older people have also expressed a wish for occasional community celebrations of the Sacrament of the Sick and Reconciliation.
Co-responsibility in mission
The experience of Growing Old Gracefully is that as well as those older people who need additional support, many older people are active in their parishes, taking on a range of tasks and running parish groups. They and others may also be active in and/or leading local action: supporting asylum seekers and refugees, homeless people, food banks, isolated older people, looking after vulnerable neighbours, contributing their time, energy and skills (and money) to charities caring for the vulnerable and to campaigns for justice such as development in the global South, combating the climate crisis and many other good causes. They may see these actions as being part of being good citizens; they may know that their involvement springs from their faith and love of neighbour and is part of the Church’s mission. This involvement needs to be recognised and affirmed.
Dialogue between the generations
Pope Francis’ message for World Peace Day 2022, outlined three paths for building lasting peace. One was the “dialogue between generations as the basis for the realisation of shared projects.”
He noted dialogue demands trust between people who need to listen to one another, share different views, reach agreement and walk together. This he says is especially important between generations: “between the keepers of memory – the elderly – and those who move history forward – the young.”
The Pope’s words can apply to international, national and local groups. Within dioceses and parishes who are rebuilding activity after periods of Covid lockdown, different generations are working and praying together, listening to each other and moving forward together. Inter-generational working is key for our religious organisations and churches as we journey through Covid, towards the Synod and beyond.
Some examples of intergenerational dialogue include
the older person mentoring younger people in ways of serving their parish. The list can be endless but includes parish ministries, liturgy, prayer groups, and other parish groups and activities. Many older people have experience of lay leadership and co-responsibility with the clergy and are often willing to encourage others to gain confidence and experience as “they pass on the baton.”.
One older parishioner has become friendly with a mother who has spirited young children. She affirms the mother, sits with the family at Mass and helps the mother take them up for a Blessing at Communion. She also lights up the room at parish coffee time. This example will be replicated elsewhere.
Some older people are prayer sponsors, take an interest in younger people and model strength, determination, and humour.
Other older parishioners accept help from younger people, accept lifts home and older people also offer lifts to those younger than themselves! At a parish exhibition of photos and reminiscences from past wars older people participated with reminiscences from previous generations about war experiences and helped younger people to hear about the effects of war on local people.
This contribution is based on our work of listening and responding as older people with other older people in the diocese over the last 10 years and we hope that it highlights the gifts that older people bring to the Church and to the needs of the most marginalised.
Thanks, Lord, my heartfelt thanks, and great relief To hear you say: “But it’s All Right, you know!” Alright – you’re growing old, Forgetful, muddled, dim (Embarrassing, frustrating though it is) Alright to need, and take, more time, More space perhaps, To admit: “I don’t cope well. I can’t keep up.”
You went there first, our good and sorrowful Lord. You touched the depths in dark Gethsemane, Were crowned with pain and meek humility, Carried the tears, the sharp sin of the world So no-one, now, need think herself bereft.
You give to us, you give to me, your freedom: Permission to be helpless, tired and weak. You would not have us envious of others When they are brave or bright or persevering. You rock us in your reassuring arms, Accepting us the way you made us: small, And loving us that way….
….For you to grow in us, We must be empty, leaving space for you. And then you’ll say: “That’s right! What you thought wrong, Amiss and lacking, is my chance. All right!”
A Poem by Sister Kate Holmstrom, a Sister of the Holy Child Jesus.
Earlier this year, it was announced that Sunday 25th July 2021 would be the first World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly.
Pope Francis decided to institute a Church-wide celebration of a World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly, held on the fourth Sunday of July, close to the liturgical memorial of Saints Joachim and Anne, the grandparents of Jesus.
In January 2021 Cardinal Kevin Farrell, Prefect of the Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life, said the establishment of the Day of Grandparents and the Elderly “is the first fruits of the Amoris Laetitia Family Year, a gift to the whole Church that is destined to continue into the future.”
Here is a message from Pope Francis for the celebration of this first occasion:
You can see the English script of the message below:
The Catholic Grandparents Association have a page of resources and suggestions for celebrating the 25th July, including a prayer for the occasion. See HERE.
The Dicastery for for Laity, Family and Life have a page with more resources you can use HERE.
We hope you and your parish can find some way of marking this important occasion of the first ‘World Day of Grandparents and the Elderly’ on Sunday 25th July this year, and we look forward to this becoming an annual day of celebration of later life and older people in the years to come.
At this event you will hear firsthand the story of someone living with dementia and the story of a carer of a person living with dementia, followed by a choice of interesting workshops.
Leeds Caritas and partners (Dementia Friendly Forum) have organised this event as part of Dementia Action Week to explore the experiences of those living with dementia, and ways in which we can support them in church and everyday life.
Growing Old Gracefully is pleased to be involved in the planning and running of this important event.
Programme:
Short Liturgy
Voice of a person living with Dementia
Voice of a Carer
Break out rooms/workshops (you can choose from one of the following):
Dementia Awareness
Types of Communication with people living with dementia
Dementia and Faith
Current Dementia Campaigns
Advanced Care Planning
Plenary
Where to find out more online
Call to Action
TO ATTEND PLEASE EMAIL GREGORY STACEY BY 19th MAY AT gregory.stacey@dioceseofleeds.org.uk and state your first and second choices for the workshop topics above. Thank you.
‘Remembering with Hope’ – a service held on Tuesday 23rd March 2021 to commemorate loved ones
We felt it was important to mark the date of the start of the first lockdown with a reflective service giving space to remember those we know who had passed away over the last year (whatever the reason), not forgetting others that have passed away in previous years. This also tied in with the National Day of Reflection on that day.
A team of us at the Elizabeth Prout Bereavement Care (The Briery) and Growing Old Grace-fully joined together to plan and hold this online service and time of sharing
There were 47 people at the service, we spent an hour together with a varied programme including readings, reflective silence, break out rooms to share about loved ones, and an act of remembrance whilst watching a video of the Remembrance Tree made for us by the sisters at The Briery.
Whether you were there on the night or not, we would like to share the readings with you for your own meditations
You can read them here on the screen or download a PDF for printing here:
‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. You trust in God, trust also in me.
In my Father's house there are many places to live in..’
John 14:1,2
Psalm 42 : 1-8
As a deer yearns for running streams, so I yearn for you, my God.
I thirst for God, the living God; when shall I go to see the face of God?
I have no food but tears day and night, as all day long I am taunted, ‘Where is your God?’
This I remember as I pour out my heart, how I used to pass under the roof of the Most High, used to go to the house of God, among cries of joy and praise, the sound of the feast.
Why be so downcast, why all these sighs? Hope in God!I will praise him still, my Saviour, my God…
Deep is calling to deep by the roar of your cataracts, your waves and breakers have rolled over me.
In the daytime God sends his faithful love, and even at night; the song it inspires in me is a prayer to my living God.
Why so downcast, why all these sighs? Hope in God!I will praise him still, my Saviour, my God.
‘Wait, Wait on Our God’ by Jan Berry
Taken from ‘Let Justice Roll Down’ compiled by Geoffrey Duncan.
When the land is dry and barren, Reduced to degraded dust, Wait for God to restore life, Bringing growth for our emptiness.
Wait, Wait on Our God, Keep vigil, keep faith, For hope comes in the morning
When the city is derelict, with boarded- up windows and abandoned cars, wait for God to restore its vitality Bringing anger to our numbness
Wait, Wait on Our God, Keep vigil, keep faith, For hope comes in the morning
When we are numbed with grief, raw pain breaking the monotony, wait for God’s tender touch bringing comfort for our healing
Wait, Wait on Our God, Keep vigil, keep faith, For hope comes in the morning.
Psalm 23 (responsorial)
The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.
The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want. Fresh and green are the pastures where he gives me repose. Near restful waters he leads me to revive my drooping spirit.
The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.
He guides me along the right path; He is true to his name. If I should walk in the valley of darkness no evil would I fear. You are there with your crook and your staff; with these you give me comfort
The Lord is my shepherd,there is nothing I shall want.
You have prepared a banquet for me in the sight of my foes. My head you have anointed with oil; my cup is overflowing.
The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.
Surely goodness and kindness shall follow me all the days of my life. In the Lord’s own house shall I dwell for ever and ever.
The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.
And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.” So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.
So heart be still: What need our little life Our human life to know, If God hath comprehension? In all the dizzy strife Of things both high and low, God hideth His intention.
God knows. His will Is best. The stretch of years Which wind ahead, so dim To our imperfect vision, Are clear to God. Our fears Are premature; In Him, All time hath full provision.
Then rest: until God moves to lift the veil From our impatient eyes, When, as the sweeter features Of Life’s stern face we hail, Fair beyond all surmise God’s thought around His creatures Our mind shall fill.[3]
In order to once again bring some encouragement to those who are unable or less likely to access the internet, we have produced and printed a short Advent Reflections Leaflet and sent copies out to nearly 200 people on our mailing list.
Please do enjoy using or sharing this electronic version of the Leaflet by downloading and printing, or viewing page by page on your screen:
This newly published booktakes a radically different view of what our aging society means. Dr Anna Dixon turns the misleading and depressing narrative of burden and massive extra cost of people living longer on its head and provides a refreshingly optimistic view of how everyone could enjoy a better later life.
This book shines a spotlight on how as a society we’re failing to respond to aging–and what needs to change to ensure later lives become better for everyone. Examining key areas of society that need to change; including health, financial security, where and how people live, and social connections, Anna Dixon presents a strongly optimistic picture of how thinking differently could change the way we value later life in every sense.
About the Author Dr Anna Dixon is the Chief Executive of the Centre for Ageing Better, an independent charitable foundation that brings about change for people in later life today and for future generations. Anna joined Ageing Better from the Department of Health and Social Care where she was Director of Strategy and Chief Analyst.
‘One in three babies born today will live to 100. In less than 20 years, one in four people will be over 65. This has huge implications for our society – for our communities, our jobs, our homes, and our health.’
‘The ‘population pessimists’ tell us that this age shift is a disaster – that it will bankrupt our economy, and heap pressure on our NHS. Newspapers paint older people as ‘selfish boomers’, hoarding wealth and opportunity. Society tells us that getting older is something to be afraid of.’
‘In this book, Anna Dixon tackles these pessimistic views head-on. She shows that our longer lives are a huge opportunity. Drawing on many years’ experience in the health sector, as well as interviews with experts and policymakers, ‘The Age of Ageing Better?’ sets out the radical changes needed to ensure no-one misses out on a good later life.’
Anna and Matthew Taylor, Chief Executive of the RSA, discussed the book’s themes in a live event. You can watch the recording of the event HERE
Cicero, a great orator in Greece at 106-43 BC told the world about the potential in Gratitude thousands of years ago and we can benefit hugely from his advice in the 21st Century!
What did he gift to us? He taught us about the happiness that we can create and enjoy if we build Gratitude into our life.
What is it that can be so valuable about Gratitiude?
It is the feelings of joy, excitement, appreciation, warmth, satisfaction we can build into our contact with other human beings. In our interactions with our contacts, as we meet and speak with our families, our friends, our partners, our colleagues or whoever, we have the opportunity to make them feel happy and positive about themselves, and also create enjoyment in ourselves as we convey or experience gratitude from our exchange.
Gratitude between people can enrich, can inform, can promise, can inspire, can forgive, can please.
Experiencing gratitude has the power to make us and others happier about how we work, about our exchanges, about our and their achievements, our and their kindness, and their shared experiences. No wonder Cicero’s thought can provide the greatest of all human experiences.
What can we be Grateful for ? Here are some ways in which some people build gratitude into their life – the examples below are some ways that different people have described how they have experienced feelings of gratitude:
This list of course can be endless because each of us, in our unique life, can have many things to appreciate and be grateful for, even if sometimes we can be more conscious of our problems than our joys. What would you want to add to this list of things that you have been especially grateful for ?
Some people have found that gratitude is such an attractive element for them in their life that they build it into a daily habit. One way of doing this is by keeping a gratitude diary. Keeping such a diary can be a way of requiring our thoughts of gratitude to become part of our everyday life.
It can simply be a special diary or note book which they can use daily or weekly to note moments of gratitude that build up special memories. The owner of the diary can start their entry with “today I am grateful for …………….” and build up a history of positive moments in an everyday life. Some diary users have a special time (say their final act in the evening before bed?). Some use their entry for special people (“ I was especially grateful today for my mother or a special friend…………………etc.)
What can be helpful is to think about what is special in terms of each day’s gratitude and remind yourself of its importanceand what it means to you !
One older person who celebrated their 82nd birthday turned it into a celebration of gratitude by this list of “Thank you’s”
“Thank you for sharing my celebration – I am very grateful you are here
“I have reached the age of 82 and have had many great friends who made my life very lucky and special in that time”
“I am grateful …….to have had great parents and grandparents who were never wealthy but gave me a great start in life.”
“I am grateful……….that 55 years ago I was introduced to a girl called Margaret and we are still a pair
“I am grateful ……. that I have 6 very grown-up children who have given me lots of happiness (and a few challenges at times !) and now give me 12 grandchildren who make me very happy
“I am grateful …..that I have longstanding friends in north and south who are loyal and great company
“I am grateful …. that we have enjoyed walking and travelling and are still able to do some of that
“I am grateful ….. we have had a house that we bought very cheaply some 50 years ago and we can still live in it
“I am grateful ….. that you made my birthday very special by being here
“Gratitude is infectious and contagious. It builds on peoples’ strengths and generosity. It creates well-being and even happiness. It is hugely valuable and important”
Anonymous
‘Here is a one-sentence formula for becoming a grateful person:
Think, Speak, and Act like a grateful person does’.
Rabbi Zelig Pilskin in his book ‘Thank you!: Gratitude: Formulas, Stories and Insights’
Michael Scally is from Leeds, born on Halton Moor; he taught for many years and is the author of a number of books with Barrie Hopson including ‘Build your own Rainbow’ and ‘Lifeskills Teaching‘. He is now gratefully retired.
If you would like to discuss how Growing Old Grace-fully might help support older people in your parish then please visit our contact page here and get in touch.
